Chapter 5 Part 4在线视频

As we mentioned before

we want to write the paragraphs

that are efficient enough to avoid repetition

However

in some cases

repetition of certain words

is necessary to maintain

the continuity of one paragraph

Key terms

which normally name the most important idea

in the paragraph are those kinds of words

that need repetitively mentioned

and emphasized

The tricky part lies in how to use this

strategy in the most effective way

Let’s see this example

which is similar to the previous one

Example 9

How to revise the paragraph

【A】Xenogeneic transplantation

or the transplantation of organs between species

is a potential solution to the severe shortage

of donor organs for clinical transplantation

【B】Chronic immunologic rejection

of xenografts is mediated

by a number of different pathways

including both cellular and humoral pathways

【C】However

the primary limitation to xenograft transplantation

between widely disparate species

is hyperacute rejection

which is triggered by the recipient's

natural antibodies directed

against the donor's endothelial cells

In this paragraph

three different expressions

xenogeneic transplantation

xenografts

and xenograft transplantation

were used to describe the same concept

the transplantation of organs

between species at the beginning of each sentence

In order to strengthen the clarity

we can simply repeat one expression

xenograft transplantation

throughout the paragraph

Meanwhile

at the beginning of sentence【B】

by repeating the term

xenograft transplantation earlier

we guide the readers to keep focusing

on the transplantation

rather than the limitation

The shift of the subjects

totally depends on what topic

the writer wants to emphasize

in the paragraph

So here is the revised version

After revision

【A】Xenograft transplantation

or the transplantation

of organs between species

is a potential solution to the severe shortage

of donor organs for clinical transplantation

【B】This xenograft transplantation

is limited by chronic immunologic rejection

which is mediated by both cellular

and humoral pathways

【C】However

presently

the primary limitation to xenograft

transplantation is hyperacute rejection

which is triggered by the recipient’s

natural antibodies directed against

the donor's endothelial cells

So we can see

key terms sometimes

can hold the paragraph together

By repeating the exact key terms

in the paragraph

the continuity won’t be broken for the readers

And in order to emphasize

the key idea and show closer connection

to previous text

in one sentence

we should repeat the important key term

as early as possible

Please remember

Repeat key terms

exactly and early in the sentence

Consistency sometimes is also established

through the manipulation of sentence topics

The inconsistent flow of topic

may surprise the readers with new information

they haven’t been introduced to previously

thus they may find it difficult

to follow the text

Just like this example

Example 10

How to revise the paragraph

for a more consistent flow

Before revision

【A】To test the hypothesis that

stress is associated with absenteeism

in urban commuters

questionnaires were used to measure

the stress levels and work habits

of 1000 commuters

【B】 The commuters who had agreed

to take part in the study were read questions

during the morning commute

【C】The answers were then recorded

and later analyzed and compared

to determine the existence of correlations

between indexes of stress levels and absenteeism

Here we can see

three sentences have three topics

The topic of sentence【A】 is questionnaires

The topic of sentence【B】is commuters

and for sentence 【C】is the answers

The first

questionnaires

represents the methodology

the second

commuters

represents the population

and the third

answers

represents the data gathered

This shift in topics

results in an uncomfortable shift for the reader

and interrupts the smooth flow of ideas

So how to solve this problem

We can try connecting the sentence

by putting the previously mentioned information first

and then introduce the new information

Also

we can determine which element

is the most important

and to keep this variable in the forefront

After revision

【A】To test the hypothesis that

stress is associated

with absenteeism in urban commuters

the stress levels and work habits of 1000 commuters

were measured through questionnaires

【B】 The questions were read to commuters

who had agreed to take part

in the study during their morning commute

【C】Indexes of stress levels

and absenteeism were then calculated

from the answers

analyzed and compared

to determine the existence

of correlations between

Apparently in this study

the stress levels and work habits

are the two most important variables

because they represent dependent

and independent variables within the hypothesis

stress and absenteeism

so we put them first

as the topic of sentence 【A】

Since the previous sentence ended

with the word questionnaires

questions instead of the commuters

should be put first in the sentence 【B】

to build a smoother transition

And then

since the word stress

and absenteeism has appeared already

we can put it at the beginning of sentence【C】

before the new information

that is

answers were studied to determine

the existence of correlations

So this is a very helpful strategy

we could use when we want to illustrate

and better present the logical organisation

of the paragraph

Put old information before new

to avoid sudden shift of sentence topics

4. Consistent point of view

For the most part

point of view is not a complicated issue

in academic writing

Since science is objective

it is strongly encouraged that

3rd person point of view is used

throughout the SCI paper writing

To be more specific

in one paragraph which is generally

focusing on one topic

we should use the same term

or the same category of term

as the subject of successive sentences

Basically

we just keep these two points in mind

The point of view

should be that of third person

The writer and reader

should not become part of the text

through first-person or second-person pronouns

like I or you

However

the exception to the exclusive

use of third person in a research paper

is sometimes within sections

in which methodology is being discussed

When describing methods used in the study

that is

what actions the researchers have done

it is acceptable to use the first-person

plural pronoun—we

as the subject of sentences

However

once this decision has been made

the writer should be careful

to maintain a consistent flow of topics

Here is one example

How to revise the paragraph

Before revision

To test the hypothesis that

stress is associated with absenteeism

in urban commuters

we measured the stress levels

and work habits of 1000 commuters

through questionnaires

We read the questions to commuters

who had agreed to take part

in the study during the morning commute

The answers were then recorded

and later analyzed and compared

to determine the existence of correlations

between indexes of stress levels and absenteeism

We can see

the first two sentences used we

as the subjects of the sentences

to show the topic of methodology

However

in the third sentence

the topic became the data gathered

because the subject is the answers

We should change the subject of this sentence

to match the previous sentences

so as to maintain a consistent point of view

After revision

To test the hypothesis that

stress is associated

with absenteeism in urban commuters

we measured the stress levels

and work habits of 1000 commuters

through questionnaires

We read the questions to commuters

who had agreed to take part in the study

during the morning commute

We then recorded

and later analyzed and compared the answers

to determine the existence of correlations

between indexes of stress levels

and absenteeism

The point of view can be flexible

in certain cases

but we should keep in mind that

It is acceptable to use we

as the subject of sentences

especially when describing methods

However

a consistent point of view

should be maintained

At last

to reflect the formal principle

of academic writing

in scientific papers

the reader should not be addressed

through direct question

For example

let’s see this sentence

How to revise the direct question

Before revision

What could be the cause of this relationship

Any questions should be reworded

to exclude the reader

Thus

we need to revise the question

into a statement

After revision

The cause of this relationship is unknown

Please remember that throughout the writing

Direct questions should be avoided