Chapter 5 Part 3在线视频

Part II Guiding principles

In this part

we will continue to introduce you the guiding principles

of paragraph writing in SCI papers step by step

3.Consistent flow of ideas

The concept of consistency

or continuity forces the writer

to consider how writing choices

may affect the reader

The goal is to give a smooth flow of ideas

from sentence to sentence

(and from paragraph to paragraph)

instead of surprising the reader

with sudden shifts in time

space or logic

For this part

four suggestions can be of great help

and are illustrated in the following cases

Example 6

Please identify the problem

and revise the paragraph

Before revision

The purpose of this study

was to test the hypothesis

that stress is associated

with absenteeism among urban commuters

To test this hypothesis

1000 commuters

are questioned about stress levels and work habits

In this paragraph

the sudden shift from past

to present tense happened in the first

and second sentence

which may arouse the confusion of time

Avoiding confusing shifts

in time does not mean that every verb

in a paragraph must have the same tense

In this example

it is correct that the description of

the hypothesis remains

in the present tense (is associated)

even though the main verb

of the sentence is in the past tense (was)

The verb tense of the second sentence

should be changed to the past tense

(were questioned)

since the action has already been taken place

After revision

The purpose of this study was

to test the hypothesis that stress

is associated with absenteeism

among urban commuters

To test this hypothesis 1000 commuters

were questioned about stress levels

and work habits

This example tells us that

to avoid a sudden shift in time

we should

Keep a consistent verb tense

When we talk about continuity or consistency

we refer to the natural flow

of one sentence to the next

in the organized pattern

This requires the close relationships

between sentences

Readers should easily follow the logic

suggested in the paragraph

Here are some writing techniques

we can apply to better link the sentences

Use connective words

phrases

clauses to indicate relationships

Please take a look at this example

Example 7

Please identify the problem

and revise the paragraph

Before revision

Over the course of the study

attendance at the intervention sessions decreased

reasons included

hospitalizations and social issues

The large number of contact opportunities

allowed for continued

exposure to the intervention sessions

even for persons with infrequent attendance

The trial reflects

actual attendance patterns

of persons with serious mental illness

who often have competing intercurrent issues

This is taken from the limitation part of one journal

We can see although all focusing on one topic

that is the attendance of the participants

(persons with serious mental illness)

at the intervention sessions

the three sentences have loose connection

with each other

Readers may experience

the sudden shift between different ideas

However

if we add certain connective words

to better illustrate the logic between sentences

the text will be easier to follow

After revision

Over the course of the study

attendance at the intervention sessions

decreased reasons included

hospitalizations and social issues

However

the large number of contact opportunities

allowed for continued exposure

to the intervention sessions

even for persons with infrequent attendance

Thus

the trial reflects

actual attendance patterns of persons

with serious mental illness

who often have competing intercurrent issues

From this we learn that

between sentences in the paragraph

we could use connective words

Here is a list of commonly used

connective words

A list of common connective words

Give an example

for example

for instance

Add another point

and

also

for another thing

on the other hand

similarly

in addition

Restate

summarize and show a result

in fact

so

thus

therefore

as a result

in brief

Express a contrast

but

still

yet

however

even so

by contrast

on the contrary

Sometimes for more complex sentences

simply adding one connective word

is not enough

Let’s see the following example

Example 7

How to revise the paragraph

Before revision

【A】The effect of isocaloric replacement

(as 5% of energy)

of carbohydrate with saturated

and unsaturated fats

and protein was estimated

using multivariable nutrient density models

【B】The percentage of energy intake

from saturated and unsaturated fats

and protein were included

as exposures with total energy as a covariate

【C】The coefficients indicate change

in outcomes by replacement

of carbohydrate

(as 5% of energy) by other nutrients

Sentence 【A】introduced

the model used in the research

multivariable nutrient density models

The following two sentences

were both explaining the model

However

both the subjects in sentence【B】 and 【C】

changed (the percentage the coefficients)

leading to the loose connection

of the three sentences

Thus

we can consider

to add some connective phrases like this

After revision

【A】The effect of isocaloric replacement

(as 5% of energy)

of carbohydrate with saturated

and unsaturated fats and protein

was estimated using

multivariable nutrient density models

【B】In this modelling approach

the percentage of energy intake

from saturated and unsaturated fats

and protein were included

as exposures with total energy as a covariate

【C】The coefficients in this model

indicate change in outcomes

by replacement of carbohydrate

(as 5% of energy) by other nutrients

In one paragraph

when we feel several sentences

discussing the same topic are not closely linked

we can choose the special technique

Use connective phrases

(prepositional or infinitive phrase)

By using prepositional or infinitive phrase

we enhance the connection

between complex and long sentences

When both connective words

and phrases are not strong enough

to bridge the difficult sentences

there is still one alternative

Please see this example

Example 8

In the following paragraph

the logical relationship between sentences A

B

and C is not clear

How could you make the relationship clearer

Before revision

【A】xenograft transplantation

or the transplantation of organs between species

is a potential solution

to the severe shortage of donor organs

for clinical transplantation

【B】Chronic immunologic rejection

of xenograft transplantation is mediated

by a number of different pathways

including both cellular and humoral pathways

【C】However

the primary limitation

to xenograft transplantation between

widely disparate species is hyperacute rejection

which is triggered by the recipient's natural antibodies

directed against the donor's endothelial cells

This paragraph

although formed by only three sentences

is quite hard to follow at the first glance

This is because the logic between sentences

is not clearly shown to the readers

The text tells us that

xenograft transplantation can cause two rejections

chronic immunologic rejection

and hyperacute rejection

The latter one is more serious

than the former one

To clearly suggest the relationship

between the three sentences

we can add one connective clause

in front of sentence【B】

and use the emphasis order

least to most important to strengthen the comparison

between the two rejections

After revision

Version 1(add one connective clause

least to most important)

【A】Xenograft transplantation

is a potential solution

to the severe shortage of donor organs

for clinical transplantation

【B】One limitation to xenograft

transplantation is chronic immunologic rejection

which is mediated by both

cellular and humoral pathways

【C】However

to xenograft transplantation is hyperacute rejection

which is triggered by the recipient's

natural antibodies directed against

the donor's endothelial cells

Of course there are more than one way of revision

We could also rearrange the supporting sentences

to emphasize the hyperacute rejection first

as well as adding connective words and clauses

Version 2

reorganize the supporting sentences

most to least important

【A】Xenograft transplantation

(the transplantation of organs between species)

is a potential solution to the severe shortage

of donor organs for clinical transplantation

【B】Presently

the primary limitation to xenograft transplantation

is hyperacute rejection

which is triggered by the recipient’s

natural antibodies

directed against the donor's endothelial cells

【C】In addition

in the long term

xenograft transplantation

is limited by chronic immunologic rejection

which is mediated by both

cellular and humoral pathways

You may generate other ways of

organizing the sentence to apply this principle

Use connective clauses

This requires us to dig out

the deeper connection between sentences

and to explicitly demonstrate

it by using connective clauses

at the beginning of the supporting sentences

is necessary to maintain

the continuity of one paragraph

Key terms

which normally name the most important idea

in the paragraph are those kinds of words

that need repetitively mentioned

and emphasized

The tricky part lies in how to use this

strategy in the most effective way

Let’s see this example

which is similar to the previous one